Short Funny Quotes
Sometimes life just sucks... Hopefully not too often, but when it does a dose of short funny quotes is a nice little pick me up. In fact even if life's great, a few short funny quotes in the morning can start your day off on the right foot. For example, chuckling over a few quotes before you leave for work in the morning, could improve your reaction when you find out later you've been fired... Well ok, maybe not.... But they were funny when you read them. ;-p Here's to you enjoying these short funny quotes and to you keeping your job...
Short Funny Quotes"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car" (Anonymous)
"I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it."
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
"I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you." "A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice." "Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls." - more short funny quotes - "Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV." "Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die." "Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards." "I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me." "To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times." "If at first you don't succeed, order pizza." - more short funny quotes - "Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance." “Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.”
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."
“If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?”
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out."
"I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either."
"Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car."
"My Reality Check bounced." If you liked this collection of short funny quotes take a look at some of these other pages: Funny Love Quotes
Do You Have Some Funny Quotes?
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